Nepali Classical Music <(Click)>
I just wonder how mysteriously the number “22” is related with me. Probably it was the most pondered number along with the number “1” during my childhood study, beside “3” and “33“. Listening beautiful Nepali Classical Music and imagining those numbers led me to make something about another “22” that I was planning to write since long time ago. And here it is: thanks to the small note which helped me to make it from that scratch

It was 22nd of this October, we were returning home from a field visit in train. Two of us were from Nepal, and two of my friends were from here. During our conversation in the train, my Finnish friends were asking us if we can go to visit somewhere the following day after field visit. My Nepali friend said, “Yes we go!” But, I was thinking nothing. So, I wondered and asked him, “You do really mean?” And he told me in Nepali that he answered “Yes” because he is not coming to field visit again. I translated it to English with elaboration i.e. with the reason he mentioned. We two had discussion on that issue as my lady Adam’s apple was not able to hold that lie as per my friend. But, through my limited perspective, I still don’t see my mistake to translate that as I was thinking like he was just kidding. But, now I realize that it was my mistake to translate what he told me if I try to see in general reference frame, but it reminded me of something that I had heard in a discourse of S.N. Goenka last year in May (2011 May). Indeed, there was tsunami in my mind amid the utter silence prevailing there – “utter silence” in the sense that I was not taking care of what was being discussed after that point – compelling me to reflect my experience for my own sake.

The fundamental reason we lie and try to maintain multiple self-images is in our inability to accept ourselves as we are and so we are not. Obviously polishing ourselves as per the situation is all about ego – but, what I believe is we can explore the root if we continuously move down the trunk of our SELF. And that is where I have to struggle (or we call it observe) all the time – a feeling of being somewhere nearby and nowhere near to be!!! The connection of our activities to maintain our best images – and that is possible only by maintaining multiple self-images – with the ego is what makes our Self vulnerable and inconsistent and that is where I remember the parable again:

As previously mentioned, it is just a hypothetical story, yet it has significant impact on my own life – and a reason to be mentioned whenever and wherever an appropriate context arises. I cannot deny the social imposition on human being, indeed it compels us to act differently in different way – and most of the time totally opposite of who we are. In such condition, it is obvious that we tend to project ourselves in different way. We have to be thankful for the invention of lie in this regard, and most of the time we use such different cases of our self-image projection to justify our lie. Even in my own observation, lies have been helpful many times in maintaining the good relationship besides enabling to maintain different degree of relationship with different people. Indeed, the only fruitful aspect of projecting multiple self-images in my opinion is being able to maintain relationship in various degrees with different people in expense of deteriorating our own essence. So, Essence – consciousness to sense our self even in the absence of other people unlike animal as Feuerbach mentions in ‘Essence of Christianity’ – is what I believe to be in great threat while we try to project multiple self-images in different situation. For that reason, I have been at least trying to be honest myself first and honest to others then. Even in my earnest attempt to have single self-image in relation to this concept, I have been perceived differently by different people as it is quite obvious to perceive others based on our adjustment with our own self-image in that particular relation. Our own attempt to project multiple self-images and perception of different people in different ways creates a very delicate relationship and often creates a contradictory scenario as mentioned above. In conclusion, the simplest way of living is following the quote of Mark Twain i.e. “If you tell the truth, you don’t have anything to remember.” By doing so, we can nurture our Self and liberate ourselves from the burden of remembering No_sense (or nonsense?) which cost as a result of our attempt to maintain our multiple self-images.

NB: I have no problem with my friend mentioned here. This is not judgment about him – as I know that most of us are like that in one or another situation – but, it is my observation and a wave of reflection.